Also translated in Dutch...

 An Atheist in the Woods

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"
He said to himself. 

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path, looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: 

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."



Een atheïst in het bos

Een atheïst liep door het bos.

"Wat een majestueuze bomen!"
"Wat een machtige rivieren!"
"Wat een prachtige dieren!"
Zei hij tegen zichzelf.

Terwijl hij langs de rivier liep, hoorde hij geritsel in de struiken achter hem. Hij draaide zich om om te kijken. Hij zag een grote grizzlybeer op hem afkomen. Hij rende zo snel hij kon het pad op, keek over zijn schouder en zag dat de beer dichterbij kwam. Hij keek nog eens over zijn schouder en de beer was nog dichterbij. Hij struikelde en viel op de grond. Hij rolde zich om, maar zag dat de beer bovenop hem zat, met zijn linkerpoot naar hem reikte en zijn rechterpoot optilde om hem te slaan.

Op dat moment riep de atheïst uit: "Oh mijn God!"

De tijd stopte. De beer bevroor. Het bos was stil.

Terwijl een helder licht op de man scheen, kwam er een stem uit de hemel: "Je ontkent al die jaren mijn bestaan, leert anderen dat ik niet besta en schrijft zelfs de schepping toe aan een kosmisch ongeluk. Verwacht je dat ik je uit deze benarde situatie help? Moet ik je tot de gelovigen rekenen?"
De atheïst keek recht in het licht. "Het zou hypocriet van mij zijn om u nu plotseling te vragen mij als christen te behandelen, maar misschien kunt u van de Beer een christen maken?"

"Heel goed," zei de stem.

Het licht ging uit. De geluiden van het bos kwamen terug. En de beer liet zijn rechterpoot vallen, bracht beide poten samen, boog zijn hoofd en sprak:

"Heer zegen deze spijze,  Amen."

Vertaald met (gratis versie)


A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was... CELEBRATE !!! "