Kahlil Gibran | Over het huwelijk

Tezamen werd je geboren, en tezamen zul je voor immer zijn.
Jij zult tezamen zijn, als de witte vleugelen van de dood je dagen verstrooien.
Ja, je zult zelfs tezamen zijn in Gods stille herinnering.
Maar laten er tussenruimten zijn in je tezamenzijn.

Laat de winden des hemels tussen je dansen.

Hebt elkander lief, maar maakt van de liefde geen band:
laat zij veeleer zijn een golvende zee tussen de kusten van je zielen.
Vult elkanders bekers, maar drinkt niet uit dezelfde beker.

Geeft elkander van je brood, maar eet niet van hetzelfde stuk.
Zingt en danst tezamen en weest blijde, maar bent ieder alleen,
zoals de snaren van een luit op zichzelf zijn, al doortrilt hen dezelfde muziek.
Geef je harten, maar geef ze niet aan elkander in bewaring.

Want alleen de hand des levens kan je harten bevatten.
En staat tezamen, maar niet te dicht bijeen:
want de zuilen van de tempel staan ieder op zichzelf,
en de eik en de cipres groeien niet in elkanders schaduw.

​Personalize?
"Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another- they have more individuation work to do first. Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives- they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love's leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don't- they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path- readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover." ~ Jeff Brown

What a beautifully non-judgmental way of looking at how and why relationships change form from time to time. Taking things personally is the surest and shortest path to profound unhappiness. Looking at any situation with the curiosity of a child wondering what will be next allows for healing of old beliefs no matter what seems to be happening at any time. No blame. No self-blame. No blame on others.

*****

"Soms lopen mensen weg van de liefde omdat het zo mooi is dat ze er bang van worden. Soms gaan ze weg omdat de verbinding een helder licht schijnt op hun donkere plekken en ze er niet klaar voor zijn om die te verwerken. Soms lopen ze weg omdat ze in hun ontwikkeling nog niet klaar zijn om samen te smelten met een ander - ze hebben eerst nog meer individuatiewerk te doen. Soms lopen ze weg omdat liefde geen prioriteit is in hun leven - ze hebben eerst nog een ander pad en doel te bewandelen. Soms maken ze er een eind aan omdat ze de voorkeur geven aan een relatie die praktischer is dan bewust, een relatie die geen bedreiging vormt voor de manier waarop ze de werkelijkheid organiseren. Omdat zo velen van ons schaamte met zich meedragen, hebben we de neiging om het verlaten van de liefde te verpersoonlijken, getriggerd door de afwijzing en gevoelens van verlatenheid. Maar dit is niet altijd waar. Soms heeft het niets met ons te maken. Soms is degene die weggaat er gewoon niet klaar voor om het veilig te houden. Soms weten zij iets wat wij niet weten - zij kennen hun grenzen op dat moment. Echte liefde is geen gemakkelijke weg - bereidheid is alles. Mogen we rouwen om verlies zonder het te verpersoonlijken. Mogen we leren van onszelf te houden in de afwezigheid van de geliefde." ~ Jeff Brown

Wat een prachtige niet-oordelende manier om te kijken naar hoe en waarom relaties van tijd tot tijd van vorm veranderen. Dingen persoonlijk opvatten is de zekerste en kortste weg naar diep ongelukkig zijn. Door naar elke situatie te kijken met de nieuwsgierigheid van een kind dat zich afvraagt wat de volgende stap zal zijn, kun je oude overtuigingen helen, ongeacht wat er op dat moment lijkt te gebeuren. Geen schuld. Geen zelfverwijten. Geen schuld aan anderen.

Love, Diederik

* Diederik is the Founder and Program Director of Choose Again

ONE?

There really is only One. The challenge is to let go of the idea the that One is outside of me. Once I realize that the One has always been right here, just waiting to be acknowledged, then and only then will 'other' be welcomed as 'Self'. When the essence of who I am meets the essence of who you are, Love is the inevitable result. Piece of cake?

Love, Diederik

* Diederik is the Founder and Program Director of Choose Again

“Liefde is een tijdelijke waanzin, als de uitbarsting van een vulkaan, die langzaam aan kracht afneemt. En dan, als het vuur dooft,  moet je een beslissing nemen. Je moet onderzoeken of je wortels zo met elkaar verweven zijn, dat het ondenkbaar is dat je ooit uit elkaar gaat. Want dit is wat liefde is. Liefde is geen ademloosheid, geen opwinding,  niet het verkondigen van beloften van eeuwige passie. Dat is gewoon verliefd zijn, wat elke dwaas kan doen.

De liefde zelf is wat overblijft wanneer het verliefd zijn is opgebrand en dit is zowel een kunst als een gelukkig toeval. Zij die waarlijk liefhebben hebben wortels die ondergronds naar elkaar toe groeien, en wanneer alle mooie bloesems van hun takken zijn gevallen, ontdekken ze dat ze één boom zijn en niet twee.” ~ Louis de Bernieres

Vertaald met DeepL.com (gratis versie)

"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and, when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two." ~ Louis de Bernieres

A Course in Miracles – Chapter 16 – VI. The Bridge to the Real World

T-16.VI.1. The search for the special relationship is the sign that you equate yourself with the ego and not with God. 2 For the special relationship has value only to the ego. 3 To the ego, unless a relationship has special value it has no meaning, for it perceives all love as special. 4 Yet this cannot be natural, for it is unlike the relationship of God and His Son, and all relationships that are unlike this one must be unnatural. 5 For God created love as He would have it be, and gave it as it is. 6 Love has no meaning except as its Creator defined it by His Will. 7 It is impossible to define it otherwise and understand it.

T-16.VI.2. Love is freedom. 2 To look for it by placing yourself in bondage is to separate yourself from it. 3 For the Love of God, no longer seek for union in separation, nor for freedom in bondage! 4 As you release, so will you be released. 5 Forget this not, or Love will be unable to find you and comfort you.

T-16.VI.3. There is a way in which the Holy Spirit asks your help, if you would have His. 2 The holy instant is His most helpful aid in protecting you from the attraction of guilt, the real lure in the special relationship. 3 You do not recognize that this is its real appeal, for the ego has taught you that freedom lies in it. 4 Yet the closer you look at the special relationship, the more apparent it becomes that it must foster guilt and therefore must imprison.

T-16.VI.4. The special relationship is totally meaningless without a body. 2 If you value it, you must also value the body. 3 And what you value you will keep. 4 The special relationship is a device for limiting your self to a body, and for limiting your perception of others to theirs. 5 The Great Rays would establish the total lack of value of the special relationship, if they were seen. 6 For in seeing them the body would disappear, because its value would be lost. 7 And so your whole investment in seeing it would be withdrawn from it.

T-16.VI.5. You see the world you value. 2 On this side of the bridge you see the world of separate bodies, seeking to join each other in separate unions and to become one by losing. 3 When two individuals seek to become one, they are trying to decrease their magnitude. 4 Each would deny his power, for the separate union excludes the universe. 5 Far more is left outside than would be taken in, for God is left without and nothing taken in. 6 If one such union were made in perfect faith, the universe would enter into it. 7 Yet the special relationship the ego seeks does not include even one whole individual. 8 The ego wants but part of him, and sees only this part and nothing else.

T-16.VI.6. Across the bridge it is so different! 2 For a time the body is still seen, but not exclusively, as it is seen here. 3 The little spark that holds the Great Rays within it is also visible, and this spark cannot be limited long to littleness. 4 Once you have crossed the bridge, the value of the body is so diminished in your sight that you will see no need at all to magnify it. 5 For you will realize that the only value the body has is to enable you to bring your brothers to the bridge with you, and to be released together there.

T-16.VI.7. The bridge itself is nothing more than a transition in the perspective of reality. 2 On this side, everything you see is grossly distorted and completely out of perspective. 3 What is little and insignificant is magnified, and what is strong and powerful cut down to littleness. 4 In the transition there is a period of confusion, in which a sense of actual disorientation may occur. 5 But fear it not, for it means only that you have been willing to let go your hold on the distorted frame of reference that seemed to hold your world together. 6 This frame of reference is built around the special relationship. 7 Without this illusion there could be no meaning you would still seek here.

T-16.VI.8. Fear not that you will be abruptly lifted up and hurled into reality. 2 Time is kind, and if you use it on behalf of reality, it will keep gentle pace with you in your transition. 3 The urgency is only in dislodging your mind from its fixed position here. 4 This will not leave you homeless and without a frame of reference. 5 The period of disorientation, which precedes the actual transition, is far shorter than the time it took to fix your mind so firmly on illusions. 6 Delay will hurt you now more than before, only because you realize it is delay, and that escape from pain is really possible. 7 Find hope and comfort, rather than despair, in this: You could not long find even the illusion of love in any special relationship here. 8 For you are no longer wholly insane, and you would soon recognize the guilt of self-betrayal for what it is.

T-16.VI.9. Nothing you seek to strengthen in the special relationship is really part of you. 2 And you cannot keep part of the thought system that taught you it was real, and understand the Thought that knows what you are. 3 You have allowed the Thought of your reality to enter your mind, and because you invited it, it will abide with you. 4 Your love for it will not allow you to betray yourself, and you could not enter into a relationship where it could not go with you, for you would not want to be apart from it.

T-16.VI.10. Be glad you have escaped the mockery of salvation the ego offered you, and look not back with longing on the travesty it made of your relationships. 2 Now no one need suffer, for you have come too far to yield to the illusion of the beauty and holiness of guilt. 3 Only the wholly insane could look on death and suffering, sickness and despair, and see it thus. 4 What guilt has wrought is ugly, fearful and very dangerous. 5 See no illusion of truth and beauty there. 6 And be you thankful that there is a place where truth and beauty wait for you. 7 Go on to meet them gladly, and learn how much awaits you for the simple willingness to give up nothing because it is nothing.

T-16.VI.11. The new perspective you will gain from crossing over will be the understanding of where Heaven is. 2 From this side, it seems to be outside and across the bridge. 3 Yet as you cross to join it, it will join with you and become one with you. 4 And you will think, in glad astonishment, that for all this you gave up nothing! 5 The joy of Heaven, which has no limit, is increased with each light that returns to take its rightful place within it. 6 Wait no longer, for the Love of God and you. 7 And may the holy instant speed you on the way, as it will surely do if you but let it come to you.

T-16.VI.12. The Holy Spirit asks only this little help of you: Whenever your thoughts wander to a special relationship which still attracts you, enter with Him into a holy instant, and there let Him release you. 2 He needs only your willingness to share His perspective to give it to you completely. 3 And your willingness need not be complete because His is perfect. 4 It is His task to atone for your unwillingness by His perfect faith, and it is His faith you share with Him there. 5 Out of your recognition of your unwillingness for your release, His perfect willingness is given you. 6 Call upon Him, for Heaven is at His Call. 7 And let Him call on Heaven for you.